Life is a cycle, everything is connected. I finally got the Alex Atala circle for a tattoo. We have to start at the very beginning to create something beautiful, it doesn't happen overnight or in one moment.
It is something we have to work on every day.
This journey has not been an easy one. For me, for those close to me, for the person I loved the most. The road has been filled with sharp corners, hidden obstacles, cracks, collisions, and pain. It has been a road of self discovery, and some of those discoveries haven't been pretty.
For years, if I give it a number it would be 6, I have been acutely stuck in my own head. Drawn in on things that were far beyond my control that upset me, and then my own inability to express how they made me feel. I promised that this blog would be an insight into not only the journey into the culinary world, but to provide insight into my journey, specifically what it was like for me to take these steps.
I broke my promise.
Words cannot express my sorrow at the actions I took in my own ironic attempt at self preservation. The irony lies in the fact that all these actions and inactions only hurt myself and those around me, they did nothing but prolong the sense of loss and fear of the future that I had.
I was never good at talking about my own feelings, especially my self-doubt and fear that I would never be good enough. It seems ridiculous to me now because I do enjoy writing, it is a passion that I have always had, and it took me until last month to be able to write again. Once I rediscovered the sense of relief this gives me, I have been on the way up. Today will be the first of many future posts. I have missed so much in the last year and I will NOT let that happen anymore.
Change happens in an instant.
Yet only with time, change has a lasting effect.
Today is the beginning of a new day. The first words in a new story. I used to think that our story began years ago, when we were but kids. But now, after everything I've been through and seen, I finally realize that this is where it all began. I was afraid of the jump, selfish in my attempt to not hurt myself; but now I have no fear left. If you never jump, you can never move forward. When that fear hits you the hardest, take that leap into the unknown. Only there will you find what you seek.
You can just see Matsuhisa, on the bottom floor of the building on the left. A beautiful view of the ever changing skyline that is Cherry Creek.
People make food what it is.
One of our awesome pastry chefs at Matsuhisa Denver, Sid showing off his glazing skills.
For years I have forgotten what made me happy, what made me want to get out of bed and live; to smile and laugh, cry and converse: people. I've said it before, on here and in my other writings, I love The Story. What makes people do the things they do, where does this come from, what makes it special, what is it's purpose? In film, books, games, and now especially food, I want to know the story. The story behind the people that make it happen.
A perfect mirror glaze! What a gorgeous Bavarian!
Food is fun! There are so many people to get to that perfect plate on the table, not just the people we see, but so many along that way that put their lives into the most important industry we have. I love how unique and expansive this community is. The endless creativity it breeds.
Nobu's signature Jalepeno Scallop, as delicious as it is gorgeous!
As hard as my personal life has been, my time at Matsuhisa has been driven with the same burning passion. I LOVE it. The food, the people, it has literally kept me going this last year. Even as I get back into writing, I have hundreds of photos that will probably never make it on here. The food is incredible, beautiful, perfectly seasoned and sauced. Flavors and ingredients I never imagined, creating a symphony that never grows old.
Sometimes that passion literally turns into a flame.... whoops!!!
The Umami Sea-bass is of my favorite dishes to cook and to eat. It's so tasty!
Only through great struggle do we find greatness in ourselves. As I began to realize my own faults and come to terms with my demons, I met new people and have created new friendships. I hope to repair and rebuild some too. I have done new things, things that have reminded me again and again why this has been what I've always wanted to do.
This past Sunday I got to attend a Jewish cooking class. It was so much fun! I can't believe I've been so stuck in my own tiny world that I didn't get out and do more things like this! Haha, honestly I was such and idiot! These foods are a staple of my heritage, something that goes back generations, and I haven't cooked them since I was a very small child. Feeling that sense of community, not only for delicious food, but of a heritage that strangers can come together with, was almost overwhelming.
Absolutely a much better way to spend a Sunday morning, as much fun as re-watching Parks & Rec for the umpteenth time is... I cannot wait for the next one!
My challah is better than yours, and it will bring everyone to my yard!
I can write all day, all night, and it will not even cover a moment of the time that has passed. It's 2018! My 10 year high school reunion is this year, aghhh!!! I will say it again and again, it's weird now being where I am, not being angry at the world and finally seeing how to move forward with who I am. It's probably been said too many times, yet the excitement and happiness are exploding out of me and I cannot contain it.
Can you guess why these are called Sonic Mushrooms?
(hint - what do those little spikes remind you of.... a hedgehog maybe...)
I am really excited to tell you everything, to show you all of the things that are to come. An excitement I haven't had in a year. These next posts might be a little crazy and all over the place as I begin to rebuild what made me a good person, a great friend, a genuine and loving guy. So please bear with me. I've debated going back through and reorganizing the post of old, because there are definitely things in there that I did when I was in pain. Things I said that I didn't actually mean or want, so we will see. I think they do serve an important piece in showing the journey, the evolution of this over time, but they also bring back some of that pain. Even writing about it now is something I might change, we shall see what time brings.
In the meantime there are still many things to be done, bridges to rebuild, humble pie to eat. I will post more often.
I bought this card at my go to paper shop Paper Source.
I think it uniquely fits my life right now.
I saw that card yesterday and thought of you. So much about it fits into where I am. Writing, a cool design, and then the actual words. Now that I am kind of delving myself into Japanese culture, I thought it was really cool, I've always been interested in the Japanese art floor in the Denver Art Museum. I can remember multiple school trips where I lost hours staring away at the beautiful collections. I've actually seen that!
It also fits into the meaning behind it. This last year has been very difficult, and I know it has also been really hard for you. So take this small token, fill your empty spaces with gold, not to replace them, but to become even more beautiful than you are right in this moment. Through pain and struggle, greatness will rise. You are incredible, unstoppable, beautiful, amazing. I love you more each day.
I know this post is a bit all over the place, but it is a perfect rendition and example of where my life is. Up and down, sideways constantly, but forever moving forward. This path has had me question everything, changed all my perspectives, and given me an insight that was not possible at every other moment in my past. I cannot stress enough how amazing it is though to finally understand how to build the life I always dreamed of.
Change. Happiness. Joy.
Love.
They all come from within.
Here's to the future, I cannot wait to share it with you!!!
As much as I want to post every day, I know it won't always be possible. Sometimes work is busy and I am beat by the time I get home, on those days I usually post to my Instagram instead. The handle is the same as this blog: @amountainchef. On top of Grapevine I am also working on a few culinary projects that I hope to shed more light on as they come to fruition. In a week Nobu, the chef himself is coming to Matsuhisa Denver! It will be so cool to get to meet him! Join us if you can!
Last but not least I want to post a bit of the music that has helped me get through the last few months, I do want to continue the Music Monday posts so if I can ever figure out how to actually embed YouTube on this other Google based page it will help... Why isn't there some tool in here... Anyways that all folks!
